by Stephanie Cole
I remember when I first started hearing the infamous phrase “I’m not a feminist, but….” More often than not, it was just “I’m not a feminist.” I was in high school, and I would always respond, “Oh, so you don’t believe men and women should be equal?” Then I would sit back and watch them struggle to respond. I simply couldn’t understand where they were coming from.
Saying “I’m not a feminist,” seemed tantamount to saying, “I don’t believe in fighting racism.” It should have been like coming out as a sexist, but the people I knew who rejected the label where not sexist. Somehow, somewhere, the word itself had been compromised. It had become a dirty word, something too loaded and complicated for young women and men to want to identify with. But I never saw it that way.
Ever since I was little girl, I understood feminism as simply the title for a concern with women’s equality. However, after four years at a women’s college and directly immersed in the feminist movement, I am beginning to understand the complexities of the word. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a feminist–and you should be, too. However, I do think we feminists need to come to a little bit more of a consensus about the implications of the title.
In a perfect world, a feminist should be: (n) someone who believes that men and women are equal. However, feminism also exists as a historical political movement and an academic field. That’s where things get complicated.
Gender studies courses have taught me exactly how infuriating some feminist academia can be. And I certainly disagree with some of the narrow and radical viewpoints of various historical movements within feminism. However, I have also learned that within the historical struggle for racial equality in the United States, there have been some ideas that I disagree with, and some approaches that history has proven to be misguided. Yet, I rarely find someone who rejects the fight against racism as a result. (I guess there are some idiots who think we live in a “post-racial” world and others who believe we live in a “post-sexist’ world. No comment.) I simply don’t think that these complications should cause anyone to reject the feminist label.
However, I do think that we can go around saying, “I’m a feminist!” without really understanding what that means. Recently, I’ve settled on a more nuanced definition of the word. Recently, I read a post on the blog The B(E)-Girl Manifesta that called out feminists who harshly criticize and limit the expression of other women. I think this piece hits on a HUGE problem within feminism. I have always said that patriarchy’s greatest victory is the success with which it pits women against each other. As a result, I’m not a fan of women using derogatory words like “bitch” and “slut.” I also tend to be very sensitive to critiques of women who choose to present themselves as traditionally feminine, or those that chose to exhibit traditional sexiness. I think a woman’s identity and self expression should never be criticized for somehow “bringing down” the movement. (Full disclosure, I really like pretty dresses and makeup.) I also have a lot of problems with terms like “real women,” “real bodies,” or “real beauty,” because they suggest that skinny women or models are “fake.” No woman is a fake woman. Just because all body types are beautiful, doesn’t mean we have to ostracize anyone. I also believe that feminism can be personalized, individual, and self-defining.
However, I do disagree with The B(E)-Girl Manifesta in that I think critical thinking and measured criticism of other women’s ideas are important. Just because someone is a women doesn’t mean she’s automatically aware of patriarchy and its effects. That’s why negative media can be so effective. Some women today have limited understandings of what feminism means. They are not aware of the prevalence of sexism in the media, and they are not be willing to question the institution of patriarchy in the U.S. or internationally.
I would like to propose a new definition of the F-Word. Feminist: (n) anyone who believes that men and women are equal, and recognizes that this is not yet the case. A feminist keeps an open mind, and tries to always be aware of patriarchy and sexism wherever it occurs. She or he also tries to educate others who are unaware, as well as speak up and take action against inequality.
This is the definition I have always held for myself. It is flexible and inclusive, but also specific and aware of complexities. I think the fear people have of the feminist label comes from an idea that they do not personally fit a perceived mold. They may have had a bad experience with some of the movement’s thornier past moments. I think if we can emphasize that feminism is for everyone, and that it is critical and engaging without being judgmental, we can welcome more bright and engaged young men and women to the fold.
I agree that it’s tricky, the verdict of the original SPARK you mention. First off, it’s not clear cut, because first off, nobodies individual testimony is. What makes it more tricky is that she refuses to call it rape, which sucks, because her viewing it as rape would make it just that much simpler. On top, she has many documented “media grab” antics, and this could be one of them. Especially since it’s in a memoir.
As for “Blackout drunk is always rape”, that then looks like it applies both ways here. Based on her descriptions in her memoir, they were both “blackout drunk,” both with but the vaguest of memories of the night. Assuming good faith about the descriptions, one felt triumphant and happy about the bits and pieces he had, and the other damaged and taken, and that sucks, but if they were both blackout drunk as described, and blackout drunk “sex” is always rape, then they both raped each other, and apparently neither of them will call the other out on it.
All of this makes it “tricky”. Not worth ignoring. Not worth dismissing. But tricky. Meaning yes, we should look at what happened, if it is within our realm of responsibility to do so. It also means we should do so without pre-judging the situation based only on one statement.
The pools are murky, no doubt about it. And if the situation happened as Ms Palin describes, then I hope that bastard burns. If she’s embellishing or just plain makin’ crap up for the attention, I hope she gets called out for it and hurt. Folk just shouldn’t be sweeping this under the rug, one way or the other.
Congratulations, Stephanie… you have gratuated to understanding the true meaning of what it means to be a feminist, AND what the word literally means. It does not mean to hate men, to subjugate men, or to punish them for somehow wishing to be strong. But it DOES mean to have the willingness to teach all other people what it does mean, whom do not understand what it means already. Your definition is close to perfect, with one primary correction: men and women are NOT equal… but both deserve to be treated with equality legally. This means that there should be legal redress in the form of laws that protect females from all others whom wish to subjugate women, or hate women, or wish to punish women for wanting to be strong. In short, it is the willingness to fight for the legal rights of women
Congratulations, Stephanie… you have gratuated to understanding the true meaning of what it means to be a feminist, AND what the word literally means. It does not mean to hate men, to subjugate men, or to punish them for somehow wishing to be strong. But it DOES mean to have the willingness to teach all other people what it does mean, whom do not understand what it means already. Your definition is close to perfect, with one primary correction: men and women are NOT equal… but both deserve to be treated with equality legally. This means that there should be legal redress in the form of laws that protect females from all others whom wish to subjugate women, or hate women, or wish to punish women for wanting to be strong. In short, it is the willingness to fight for the legal rights of women, as guaranteed in the Constitution of the United States. Slavery was abolished through the Civil Rights Act… we should always be vigilant that it is upheld for any instance of it’s re-occurence. That includes racism based on gender, or sexuality. It also includes the attitude, “I wish to be better off than you in every way, so you are relegated to being a lower class citizen than I am to accomplish that” mentality. Which, is exactly what most discriminatory acts are comprised of. Pure hatred. To be a feminist is to eschew hatred of women… in every sense of the word. Especially legally.
If that is yours and other women’s opinion then you would be in favor of registering young women for the draft as long as young men are legally obligated to do so. Is that your belief? If so I will applaud you for your courage because very very few feminists will meet this issue straight on. and please don’t evade the question by saying no one should have to register. Right now, our sons do have to register – our daughters don’t.
Yes Bruce, I believe women should register for the draft as well. I also believe that women in the military should be allowed to officially engage in direct combat.
So, which men do we want to be equal to??
The slogan that Feminism is about gender equality is part of the problem. Those among us who recognize that not all men are equal are likely to be suspicious of the claim that equality with men is the answer.
I do like the rest of the blog, though. There is a challenge in recognizing that sexual empowerment for women is essential, while resisting the skewed sexualization of girls and women. There is a difference between recognizing disciplinary practices disguised as beauty norms and taking pleasure in gender expression. There doesn’t need to be full consensus on where the line is, only that feminism is at its core a political movement to improve the lives of girls and women, and that it is, in turn, beneficial for society as a whole.
At New Moon Girls, we also embrace feminism. Perhaps this has become a “dirty” word because it is often associated with people who hate men, and believe women should have all the power. However, your definition seems more accurate – a feminist is not someone who believes women are better, but one who believes in gender equity.
This a great post and always a necessary topic as each generation redefines these terms. I always cringe at “I’m not a feminist but…” What are you saying then? I’m ashamed to be a feminist, won’t admit it, so this is my sly way at expressing an opinion?.. Ah- stop that.
I very much agree that feminism needs to be inclusive. The pull towards women only has created Men’s Studies in college, etc. Issues that come out of that are fascinating but I think we really need to come together on gender issues and equality.
Excellent article! Equality for all!