by Erin McKelle

If you’re consumer of media, you’ve been exposed to fat shaming. Fat shaming is a tactic of bullying that involves mocking, discriminating, shaming or shunning of fat people because of their weight. To see it, you don’t need to look much further than the fear about the Freshman 15, or the way we talk about women’s bodies on magazine covers, or books about putting your seven year old daughter on a diet.

Allegedly this shaming is rooted in concern for fat people’s health, but the relationship between weight and health is not that clear-cut, and even if it were good, someone else’s health is no one’s business. In fact, research has shown that treating people badly actually damages their health–people internalize anxiety and shame about their bodies, which leads to unhealthy behaviors like starvation diets, binge eating, and other negative outcomes, up to and including gaining more weight. Bullying or berating someone because you “are just concerned about their health” is counterproductive and cruel. Obsession with body size and weight loss also contributes to eating disorders in teens. Unfortunately, many people haven’t gotten that message,  and fat shaming is rampant in our culture.

Because of all this, fighting back against fat shaming in our society is hard, and it’s easy to feel defeated and frustrated about your body. Here are some tips to fight back:

1) Refuse to consume fat-shaming media: There are seemingly endless media outlets that enforce fatphobic attitudes. Don’t watch shows like The Biggest Loser, buy magazines like Shape, or read books like Skinny Bitch. All of these media reinforce the ideas that skinny equals healthy and that fat is appalling and offensive. Not reading them is not only better for your personal health and well-being, but it also diminishes their cultural power. (Imagine if everyone just suddenly stopped watching weight loss competition shows and those shows disappeared? It’d be amazing).

2) Get in touch with your feelings: It can be really hard to feel comfortable in your body when you live in a culture that is constantly telling you that it’s worthless. It’s important though to confront the shame and discomfort that you feel and identify where it’s coming from. When we avoid our feelings, we end up burying them in our minds and later on, they can come back and haunt us even more. Let yourself feel everything–even the negative stuff–and think about why you’re feeling that way. Journal, write, or even just have an internal conversation with yourself about it. The more you do this, the less that shame will have a grasp on you.

3) Wear what you like: Whatever you like and feel good in is what you should put on your body! I’m sure you’ve heard it before: leggings are for “skinny girls”; fat girls can’t wear tank tops because our arms will show; you can’t wear a tight dress if your stomach will be visible. Being fat and wearing short-shorts, bikinis or crop tops challenges the cultural norms around fatness. Wearing these types of items and owning it is equivalent to giving society the middle finger.  But it’s not just about revealing clothes: leggings, certain cuts of jeans, horizontal stripes, and other clothing items are supposedly “off limits” for certain bodies, but that’s ridiculous. Rules, especially fashion rules, were meant to be broken.

4) Exercise (maybe even in public): Fat people are constantly being bullied into losing weight, but that doesn’t mean the experience of exercise needs to be bad or shameful. Working out (whatever that means for you: biking, running, swimming, yoga, freeweights, handball, kickball, salsa dancing, whatever!) is extremely empowering and can feel amazing. This can be really hard: some fat people face harassment at gyms or when working out outside. But feeling your body move is a great way to remember that it belongs to you. Don’t avoid hitting the gym, going on an afternoon jog, or anything else you like just because some jerk is trying to make you feel bad.

5) Live like you’re your “ideal” size: What would you do if you had a “perfect” body? Do it now. We’ll often put off or avoid doing certain activities like going to the beach, going on dates, or even working out or wearing clothes we like (see above!) because we’re feel ashamed and insecure. Don’t buy into this. This battle won’t end overnight:  even to this day, when I get naked with a guy, I always wonder if he’s going to judge me and I feel a little pang of anxiety. But recognizing where this anxiety comes from is hugely helpful and helps me work through it. Don’t put off relationships, roadtrips, and trips to pool until the future, because the future is now.

6) Be an ally to yourself: Advocate for your own needs and support yourself during trying times. Don’t judge or criticize yourself, but accept and love yourself, even if you are insecure. Accepting your negative emotions–emotions society tells you to pretend don’t exist–can be a very empowering experience. It’s the start to loving yourself completely and without condition.

Fat shaming, especially when it comes from yourself, can be extremely taxing to handle, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Learning how to push back against the negative messages and approaching our bodies from a place of love acceptance versus hatred and shame can act as a very powerful catalyst of change.