by Dee Putri
Talking about girls’ friendship is very confusing, because it feels like it comes with a lot ofdrama and gossip. One day a girl can hate another girl, and the next they can be friends, even best friends! Being a girl is complicated, confusing, with no exact rules, but that doesn’t mean our friendships should be. We should be careful not to say things that make our friends mad our upset—just forget the drama!
Mean Girls is a good example of how difficult girls’ friendships are said to be. The Plastics! Remember about the Burn Book anyone? That’s it! It’s how they become ‘Mean Girls’. For you who never watch the movie (you’re missing out!), The Burn Book is a pink book where they write mean things about girls in their grade. Cady describes her friendship with Regina, the main Mean Girl, as, “I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me. Same with Gretchen, the meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back.” Damian describes Regina as, “She’s fabulous, but she’s evil.” Oh, Regina. In my real life I really found some of these things to be true–sometimes girls really are mean, like when they sayt bad things about the other girls (even their best friends) behind their backs. Like, one day, a girl said to me that we can’t wear heels or wedges to our college if don’t wanna be gossiped about. Why? Should we not know how it feels to be taller in instant? It gives confidence. Confidence is not a crime! And what is the problem with wearing our favorite shoes? The people gossiping aren’t the ones paying for them. It’s not like that we’re violate their freedom or something, so why they bother? Shoes are far at the bottom of our bodies), so many times people even too busy to notice the other shoes!
So when a friend told me that it’s OK for girls to be be so cruel to judge other girls I was kinda surprised. She said that it is sort of fun to talk about these kind of things. Why do they keep talking bad about other girls? I guess I don’t understand it, because I worry a lot about my life already so I don’t really pay attention to other people. And I think it’s so immature. This friend also told me that gossiping about other girls is fun. Where is the fun? Can you tell me? I think that is so sad and cruel. And it hurts, of course. Even when the object of gossip is not me, it still hurts for me. I am a gir, you know. I have feelings, and Girl Power spirit! Please remember about Girl Power, the solidarity of being a girl.
Sometimes people make the wrong assumptions about girls and then gossips based on that. How a girl dresses doesn’t tell you how is she. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Very true! I remember a scene from The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2005) where Tibby went to hospital to visit Bailey. Tibby said, “Oh man, you were right, and I was wrong, but I’m… I’m wrong about most people, so…” and Bailey responded with, “the important thing is you always change your mind about them.” It reminded me of a time someone told me, “Everybody is nice. When you think someone is cruel now, maybe he/she will be very nice tomorrow.” In Sisterhood, Tibby, Carmen, Lena, and Bridget have been together since they were babies. I think that is why they have this kind of friendship. There is no talking bad about one another, which make this friendship is so cool! And, in many ways, more realistic than the friendships in Mean Girls. Although the girls have different character, they really fit together. Difference doesn’t matter at all.It does feel sometimes like that’s not so in my real life, where difference matters (maybe that is because we’ve worn uniforms since we were kids? Everybody is uniformed, so we can’t accept difference!)
I don’t wanna tell you that I never talk about bad about other people. I have. But it always hurt when I did it, so I decided to stop. I am trying to avoid it. How? When I really feel like I can’t help to talk about it, I go home as soon as possible so I can listen to my favorite band and just forget it. Then I’ll be busy on the internet. Problem solved! Sometimes I go to my sister’s house and talk about it. Why? Because I know that my sister will never talk about this ‘secret’ and I’ll ask her what should I do. She always gives me useful advice, not bullshit or pitting other girls against each other.
Talking about bad things of the other girls is not fun. It hurts. It always hurts. Instead of doing this thing, why don’t you be creative? Make music, do a DIY project or zine, or write poems or a novel or an article. Being creative is much better than negative talk. If you don’t stop this bad behavior, you’ll find yourself 50 years old and still talking bad about everything (not just about the other girls) because you’re way older and talking about bad things is your major talent. We know that we can stop it. From now, we can talk about good things about the other girls. Just remember about Girl Power. We girls should be uniting to make this world a better place to live and life. Nah, it must be fun! Go go go Girl Power!
PS. When a girl ask me, “Are you alone? Where is your colony?” I really should say, “Do you know about Girl Power? Every girl in this world is my colony. It means, include you, girl ;)”