The SPARK Research Blog: Real Talk about Really New Research on the Sexualization of Girls, is brought to you by the ASAP Initiative at Hunter/CUNY, one of the SPARK leadership team partners. The goal of the bi-monthly SPARK Research Blog is to tell you about the latest research findings in clear and plain language, with a girl-centered perspective, jettisoning the often difficult jargon that plagues a lot of scientific writing.
When I told my mom that I was going to be blogging for a feminist website, she rummaged around her attic and found a box full of 1972 Ms. Magazines – the entire first year of publication. Excited, I browsed through the stack, hoping to find that the articles in the magazine would be outdated, that many of the concerns of 1972 would have been addressed. Well, not quite. One article I found challenged traditional dating norms, arguing instead that men should not open doors, pay for meals etc.: “Men [should] not open car doors, help women in/or out, and then close the door… women get in and out of cars 20 times a day with babies and dogs. Surely they can get out by themselves at night just as easily.”[1]
Flash forward. A girlfriend recently told me, “If my date doesn’t pick up the check after dinner, there’s no second date. It’s important for a man to be a gentleman.” Now, I get just as heated as the next feminist when I’m told that a woman was not promoted at her job because of her gender, or that girls are just not as good at math as boys. It’s easy to recognize sexism when it’s violent or involves discrimination. But what about when sexism is disguised as . . . politeness?
Researchers call it “benevolent sexism,” but we might call it chivalry — when men act in a way that puts women on a pedestal. If you think that men opening doors or offering to carry things for women conveys good manners, you wouldn’t be alone; research has found that some women think more highly of men who practice “benevolent sexism”[2]. But let’s think for a minute about where these manners come from. These little acts of “politeness” are actually rooted in traditional gender stereotypes that say men are strong and women are weak. Even more than that, they are rooted in gender stereotypes that define what is appropriate behavior for men and women in really narrow ways (i.e., women can only be feminine and men can only be masculine). What’s scarier is that these traditional stereotypes can be reinforced through sexist behavior.
Violent or discriminatory sexism, called hostile sexism, is used by men in patriarchal societies to police women’s behavior. When women defy gender roles by acting in a way that is perceived as too “masculine,” men use violence to punish them and remind them of their feminine role. Benevolent sexism is simply the reverse of this; it isn’t the punishment for acting too masculine, it’s the reward for acting appropriately feminine.[3] These two types of sexism often exist together and men (or societies) that use one will generally use the other. So why do women like it when men hold boxes? If a woman is being rewarded through benevolent sexism (e.g., put on a pedestal) than at least she isn’t being punished through violent sexism. It’s easy to see how violence is wrong, but is being on a pedestal really that bad?
Benevolent sexism may not be physically violent, but it has a pretty similar outcome to hostile sexism. When women are re-situated in a traditionally feminine role (whether through violence or a man holding doors) they are reminded of feminine stereotypes, like women are the weaker sex[4]. What makes this extra tricky is that it’s hard to spot. Like I said before, the history of benevolent sexism has been lost over time and it’s hard to recognize benevolent sexism as sexist. As my friend would argue, these days it just seems like a sign of respect.
But I would imagine that even if it seems like respect, it probably doesn’t feel like respect. Part of that traditional femininity is an over-zealous focus on a woman’s appearance. Women are supposed to be both beautiful and sexually enticing to men. It seems like being reminded of this wouldn’t make a woman feel respected, but instead would make her feel self-conscious about her looks. It might even make her compare herself to other women, to see if she is pretty enough. A group of psychologists had the same type of questions and they ran a study to find out, does benevolent sexism influence how girls’ feel about their bodies? [5]
The researchers used a simple test to measure the effects of benevolent sexism on how women felt about their bodies (this is called “self-objectification”, looking at your body as men or other women might and turning yourself into an object in your own eyes). The researchers tested two groups of college women. Now, here’s the clever part. In one group, the participants simply filled out surveys measuring self-objectification. In the second group, there was a female and a male research assistant (let’s call them “Susan” and “Tim”) pretending to be participants. The researcher in charge of the group was “in” on the trick. During the experiment, she received a fake phone call that she said was from a colleague who needed a box of research materials brought to another room. She asked “Susan” (whom everyone else thought was just another participant) to carry it, at which point “Tim” stood up and said, “I’ll get that for you,” and took the box. “Susan” sat back down. After this exchange, the real participants filled out the surveys measuring self-objectification.
So, what did that little act of “politeness” do? Well, when they compared the two groups’ survey scores, they found that in the group that watched Tim’s act of chivalry, women felt a stronger sense of shame about their body. They were more concerned about their bodies not fitting into society’s standards of how a woman should look. This group was also more preoccupied with monitoring their appearance (which researchers call “body surveillance”). Basically, the group that saw Tim’s act of “politeness” examined their bodies more to see how they compared to cultural standards of beauty and felt shame about not fitting into what society says women should look like.
But what do we make of these results? How could Tim’s simple act of carrying a box make women feel bad about their bodies? The authors propose that benevolent sexism, even though it may be meant to convey respect, actually reinforces traditional gender roles. Traditional femininity emphasizes the importance of a woman looking attractive (as opposed to intelligent, witty etc.) Without being aware of it, simply being reminded of traditional gender roles can make women more concerned about how they look (as opposed to their accomplishments or personality) which translates into “body surveillance” or women checking themselves out. When women compare their bodies to cultural standards of beauty, they can feel a sense of shame if they think they don’t “measure up.” It pretty much goes without saying that this is harmful to women and girls.
So, what do we do about benevolent sexism? I’m not proposing that we should all kick the next man who holds a door for us, because, let’s be honest, it is polite to hold the door when someone is walking behind you, no matter what your gender or theirs. Instead, we need to question the “rules” about what men and women should do and say (or not say!) or how we should look. Even at a time when a lot of people say that men and women are equal, that our society is “post-feminist”, this study shows us we have to think about and work to recognize how gender norms are still operating, even in disguise, and how they may still be harmful to women. Even though feminists have been talking about it since 1972, and a lot has changed, this study shows that there is still work to be done if we want women and girls to feel good about whom we really are and the bodies in which we live.
—Kimberly Belmonte, MA
Kimberly is a Doctoral student in Social Personality at the CUNY Graduate Center. Her current research interests center on the exchange of injustice and resistance. Specifically, she studies how women internalize or resist oppression. Kimberly has also done HIV prevention research in the juvenile justice system with the HIV Center for Clinical and Behavioral Studies.
[1] Trahe, J. (1972). Manners for humans: Good-bye to Emily and Amy, Ms., 1(1), 39-40.
[2] Kilianski, S.E. & Rudman, L. A.(1998). Wanting it both ways: Do women approve of benevolent sexism? Sex Roles, 39, 333-352.
[3] Glick, P., & Fiske, S. T. (2001). An ambivalent alliance: Hostile and benevolent sexism as complimentary justifications for gender
inequality. American Psychologist, 56, 109–118.
[5] Shepard, M., Ercull, M. J., Rosner, A.,Taubenberger, L., Queen, E. F., Mckee, J. (2011). “I’ll get that for you”:The relationship between benevolent sexism and body self-perception. Sex Roles, 64, 1-8.
I know this comment is going to be deleted under the pretext of “misogynist” but here I go.
“The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal”
I am sorry if I offended you by quoting Aristotle, but surely one cannot be that blind to the world around them, look at the Olympics; did you never ask yourself why are the sport disciplines separated by gender?(look into the records and the prerequisites for entry)now you realize if it wasn’t gender separated there would be little to nothing of women in the Olympics.Then you could also look into the firefighters(not only them just using them as an example) that are lowering their standards so they could hire women, is this really the solution?
Does life and death mean nothing to you, just as long as you get your “equality”?
And now regarding your article, “when men act in a way that puts women on a pedestal” I always thought that every humans likes being on a “pedestal” treated specially like a prince/princess, am I supposed to impress you by treating you like my best friend? And regarding the dinner should I just ask you “Will you pay for the dinner” that sounds rather disrespectful especially if I asked you out.
This article is nothing short of anti-man, you are not a real feminist, your mother was.
Curious, does it not occur to you to simply hire the best person for the job? Does it not cross your mind that the female Olympic Wrestler would probably make a better firefighter than just “a guy”? Just because “a guy” might be, on average, stronger, it does not mean that all men are automatically better at the job than all women.
It also does not mean that those averages are genetically determined, but that’s another issue entirely.
Well said. As a woman in her late 40’s, I am appalled by this new Feminist movement and the utter hatred and paranoia of men. I tell my daughters to find a man who will respect them, and this generation takes respect and turns it into something ugly? Chivalry is not a four letter word ladies.
I Don’t agree with the comment above, and it’s a cheap shot to say someone isn’t a ‘real feminist’. It’s a complex issue. As I get older, I find myself appreciating some of the chivalry more than I did when I was in my 20’s and 30’s… maybe because I get tired and it’s nice to be supported, but that’s true for anyone of any gender. We all want to be supported.
It’s SO great to read such a thoughtful piece of writing looking at the bigger picture and it helps me remember that it’s more interesting to keep striving to be fully independent as a woman and fully able to take care of myself, and meet men from that place, than to focus on being a woman that men naturally want to be chivalrous toward because I look a certain way.
But there’s a lot of hostile sexism towards independent women, especially in the South.
Curious – yes there is a certain separation between the SEXES (nothing to do with GENDER) in terms of actual body power (men tend to be taller and weigh more because this is anatomically standard) but I disagree with your point about firefighters – both men and women can be equally brave and/or vicious when it comes to the crunch, I do not think men are braver than women.
If you look back in history, women’s ‘traditional’ roles have changed when there has been a major change in society ie wars, religious crusades etc, women have fought and braved the worst alongside men and it is very unfair and small minded to say that women cannot work in a role such as being a firefighter – an occupation which doesn’t just involve bodily strength – it involves courage, quick thinking and quick analyzation of the situation – something which a woman could do just as well as a man.
…and also on your comment about sport – the majority of sports are not just about bodily strength either – more to do with SKILL, so on the whole, I don’t think you have really thought your comment through have you?
Here’s a simple suggestion: Let’s have a campaign to encourage women to hold open doors for men (and other women), to offer their seats to men (and women), to perform all those standard acts of chivalry but with the genders reversed. The solution must be to encourage and reward good behavior by everyone, and remove the gender bias by bringing everyone up.
The bad part is that women can’t do that to men in every culture. It’s shamed upon. Men are still the rescuers and knights while women are the delicate damsels in distress.
That’s why I get so pissed off when guys say “Oh I would hit you back but I don’t hit girls” makes me punch them even harder than I did before. I’m an f-ing black belt who gives a s— if I’m a girl I could still kick your a–
I don’t like that “rule,” but I still wouldn’t feel comfortable hitting a woman. Which doesn’t matter much, as I’d still lose either way, unless I could cut her with my razor sharp wit.
Great read. I also love the comment section. My thoughts have been provoked.
Thank you for writing this thoughtful article. I agree that benevolent sexism is still sexism, rooted in preconceptions about a woman’s strength, stamina, earning power – but I would be curious to take another look at the conclusion you draw from the study you quote. I was with you for most of it, but It was a bumpy logical leap for me to make from carrying-the-box to women-not-fitting-into-today’s-standard-of-beauty. I felt a bit like someone just told me “it’s proven… with SCIENCE!” I would love to hear some personal experiences that reinforce that conclusion if anyone would care to share!
Because after seeing the carrying-the-box incident, the women demonstrated more body-policing behaviors, as shown by the survey they took, compared to another group that did the same survey, but without the box act first. It’s really straight forward. And much more reliable than a few personal anecdotes.
I feel like the problem with that survey is that in the other group there is no man doing something that does not constitute benevolent sexism. Often times just by having a man start speaking in the room this will change a woman’s thought process. I’m surprised this article was able to be published without the proper control. I.e having Tim say something unrelated to helping Susan pick up the box. It does make me think of the role of benevolent sexism in our lives though. Personally, I have been working hard at becoming stronger, physically, and it can certainly feel demeaning when men underestimate my abilities.
I am a guy and I am Chinese. Perhaps not the best individual to be viewed as an open-minded guy. This is an interesting article you have here. First of all, I don’t think your so-called “benevolent sexism” is all that bad. As a guy, it is hard to not be polite to a girl. Don’t ask me why, ask nature. We don’t intend make a girl feel bad or anything like that.
In fact, if a girl feels uncomfortable with it, then she should speak up so that we are aware. My personal opinion is psychology of men and women are different. It is sometimes hard for us men to understand what women are thinking (if they don’t speak up). So, speaking up is very important to make men more aware of what’s going on.
You should also consider defining benevolent sexism rigorously. If I help my girlfriend to carry her heavy bag, would that be treated as benevolent sexism? Because I love the girl and that is why I do it for her. Suddenly, it seems to me that an act of love is wrong.
I think it’s important to realize that one can still be feminine and be a feminist. Of course, it’s an adaptive preference for girls to want a man to be chivalrous, and there’s nothing wrong with that, provided that the girl isn’t just using the guy. However, there’s a subconscious message that is perpetuated when men are taught to be chivalrous to women because it’s the right thing to do. Even if they think they’re just being polite, there’s an unspoken message that this person you are treating carefully is fragile and not as strong, which is where the inequality comes from.
A feminist cannot ignore the physical differences between men and women. They are what they are and there is a purpose for those physical differences. What’s important to feminists is to make sure that a specifically gendered group has no stigma placed upon them that impairs their ability to progress in their job, their education, or socially.
This benevolent sexism has the potential to perpetuate ideas about females that would end up restricting their equality with men, and that’s the problem with it.
“Benevolent Sexism?” Are you kidding me? No offense but if a guy opens a door for you, it’s out of kindness and if you feel different you are stupid. He isn’t trying to make women feel weak, or defenseless. I don’t see myself as any stronger than any woman. I have a completely undeveloped arm and hand that i use to open a door for women and men alike. So try to tell me i’m stronger. I know that i am not and i do it out of kindness not out of trying to make you feel weak. It’s instilled in men at a young age and sticks with them until adulthood. I really just wish people like you, feminists, can learn to take a compliment, or just show some gratitude occasionally when a guy does something nice for you.
” It’s instilled in men at a young age and sticks with them until adulthood.” And without meaning to, you just defined institutionalized benevolent sexism. You get a gold star!
Nope, he didn’t. why is it that if it is instilled from young age it is benevolent sexism? What about respecting the elderly? is it a bad thing too?
Very interesting and thought provoking article. It caused me to think carefully about my own perceptions and reactions to “chivalry.”
Being forewarned is being forearmed.
Thanks, Amy!
Oops, sorry! I meant “thanks, Kimberly!”
I could probably beat my boy friend at arm wrestling, I know more about power tools and get more excited about going to Home Depot then him. I also have tendinitis and carpotunnel so whe he helps me carry things it’s it greatly appreciated. Even pre reading this article, What makes me the most self conscious, as a women, about this act is that we will be judged by a passerby as being a benevolently sexist couple. That an onlooker will think I have fallen into the role that “society has forced me to play”
I cook, I clean and he takes out the garbage are we practicing our trained roles or doing things we are better equipped to do.
Did your study account for the fact that a man was present at all? Was there a man present for the control group. My thought is that an active male presence had more of an effect then the act of chivalry. Neither result is a good one but it makes a huge difference in drawing conclusions from the results.
This article is interesting and I think has a point. It also makes two big of a deal out of something more often than not very simple. Do I notice sexist thing in my life yes. Do I see a very very frail and unexplained connection between benelovent sexism and how it effects my ability to get promotions? Yes!
If I hold a door for a man does that mean I’m showing him he is weak. Does doing anything kind and helpful have an undertone of centuries of badly practiced equality? Some might say yes… I was taught to be kind to everyone plain and simple.
It’s not our actions that need as much changing as our reaction. Your article is missing thus solution.
I am a woman and in the military.I can do a lot things without anyone help, but I would appreciate if a man helps. I would not feel that I am a weak. I think it is just polite when the man helps to the women or to any other man.I do not see any connection between “self-esteem objection” and that act of “politeness” in the research presented in the article, but it is just my personal opinion. It would be more clear if we could get more details about the experiment in general and some descriptions about “Susan” and “Tim” visual appearance.
I also would like to say about a bill at a restaurant or any money related issues. I grew up in Europe, in Belarus. It is normal there when a man pays the bill at the restaurant and weird if he does not. A lot of women would not go on the second date if a guy cannot take care of the bill. That means he probably is not financially stable and will not be able to take responsibilities in a relationship. When in the U.S. women can pay for men and it considered as normal. So I guess the financial question between men and women may varies depend on a cultural background of both genders